i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
