No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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