Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
not ubering you a puppy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
