there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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