Moan for me like Helen Keller
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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