Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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