ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
