yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
