ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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