I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
