Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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