ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
