Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize