In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There are leaves in my underwear?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
