One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
