You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
