I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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