dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
