Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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