Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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