Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
