i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
