so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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