Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
