woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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