I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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