Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
its liver damage thursday
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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