no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
