After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
