if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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