My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
