I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
