Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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