I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
