Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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