The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
