Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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