she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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