we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
two words: eviction party
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
