roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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