He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
