I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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