I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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