hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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