Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
