Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
