just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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