I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
