It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
