Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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