Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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