WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
