You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
