Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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