Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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