Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
