i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
