she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
