weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
