SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
