would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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