I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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