Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
