I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
