yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
