He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My feet surprised me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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