Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
